Now you’re just making me Cross…

At least she was in Wayne’s World…

This piece about some berk who thinks he’s found nails from the true cross just beggars belief.  I’m sorely tempted to create a press release about evidence of an ancient zombie holocaust, just to see which news agencies will run it. Apparently there’s a “History” Channel “Documentary” (scare quotes intended) forthcoming about it. I will no doubt watch it and may yet tear it apart in a fuller post if I have time. Meantime, this and related articles are just so full of holes I barely know where to begin. So, I’ll just rant away.

It starts with the title – “Did Journalist Find ‘THE Nails’ Used to Crucify Jesus?”. Dear Journalists – if you have to phrase your article as a question, the answer is probably “no”. That being the case, perhaps you should see what Justin Bieber is up to rather than run the piece.

Then we have;

“Controversial journalist Simcha Jacobovici says he may have found the nails that were used to crucify Jesus more than 2,000 years ago.”

That should really be all that we read on this subject, because that doesn’t just summarise the “news” of the “find” (OK, I’ll stop with the quotes now) – it IS the “news” (sorry, I did try). A journalist, a “controversial” one no less, is not in ANY WAY qualified to announce ANY archaeological find, let alone one of this supposed magnitude. He should be dismissed out of hand, but he isn’t. Why IS that, mainstream media? Why must you provide a mouthpiece for this idiocy?

Anyway, with a heavy heart, let’s proceed. I can’t really sum the remaining evidence for this claim better than JREF poster pobblob14;

“This guy finds two nails at Tel Aviv University. Those nails showed up there, apparently without labeling or other attribution, at about the same time as two nails from a tomb got lost.

The tomb where two nails (that might or might not be these nails) were found is the one with an ossuary marked Caiaphas, who might or might not have been that Caiaphas.

Therefore . . . Jesus? Did I miss a step in there someplace? Is he suggesting that Caiaphas kept the nails as a souvenir or something, and that when he died, somebody tossed the nails into the tomb (one in the ossuary, one on the ground), because . . . .

Was this argument constructed by the Underpants Gnomes?”

Perhaps; I imagine this chap is certainly banking on the missing Profit?! step working out for him. I’m guessing the James Ossuary debacle (here’s a hint – it turned out to be BULLSHIT) wasn’t without its benefits. And not being an academic, he has no reputation at stake. Win-win!

Anyway, if it isn’t already obvious, the above aren’t so much reaches as rocket-assisted takeoffs. There’s no provenance for the nails, let alone sound provable links between the rest of it. but wait – we’re told that the nails are bent…

“…in a way that is consistent with crucifixion.”

What, in the name of Sweet Zombie Jesus, is the difference between a nail used to, I don’t know, stick an ikon over a fireplace (say) and one used to nail someone to a bleedin’ tree? What is this claim based on? The nail in the picture doesn’t look long or substantial enough to successfully crucify Jesus’ pet CAT, let alone the big man himself. It could be ANYTHING. The one in the picture doesn’t even match the vague description of the missing nails – it’s sure as hell not “8cm” long.

Sorry, this one’s making me all shouty. I’ll leave it there and post this highly relevant Black Adder clip. This is an old, old well of snake oil that this guy is dredging. Bring on the documentary. It should make Deadliest Warrior look like The World at War…