Putting the “dump” in Humpty Dumpty

Making up fairy stories about Humpty

Humpty Dumpty was NOT a Civil War cannon in Colchester.

In fact, the rhyme doesn’t even have such a specific historical basis. In all likelihood, none of them do. All those cute little origin stories for nursery rhymes? Like “Ring-a-ring-a-roses” being about the Black Death? BS. Made up. They’re attempts to understand, satirise, play with words, or even just plain pull the wool over the eyes of the reader. But they aren’t history. And like backronyms and urban myths, these damn things have a tendency, once staked by the debunker, to rise from the proverbial grave.

Humpty Dumpty is first recorded in 1797 and transformed 70 years later by Lewis Carroll into an anthropomorphic egg. It’s often ascribed some speculative historical significance or other (often a king, for obvious reasons) and a popular origin story at the moment, thanks to this new book called “Pop Goes the Weasel – The Secret Meanings of Nursery Rhymes”. The story (reproduced here in detail) goes like this. In 1648, during the English Civil War, Colchester found itself occupied by Royalist forces and under siege from the Parliamentarian army. A lone gunner and his big cannon (“Humpty Dumpty”) mounted on top of a church tower on a Roman wall (“sat on the wall”), caused so much trouble for the attackers that they concentrated fire on his position, blowing the top of the tower clean off (“had a great fall”). The cavalry (“all the King’s Men”) tried to right the cannon, but “couldn’t put Humpty together again”.

This story is being used heavily to promote the book, because it sounds so damn plausible, and specific, just as statements made by a bogus psychic can. The author evens claims to have discovered a lost verse;

In Sixteen Hundred and Forty-Eight
When England suffered the pains of state
The Roundheads lay siege to Colchester town
Where the King’s men still fought for the crown
There One-Eyed Thompson stood on the wall
A gunner of deadliest aim of all
From St. Mary’s Tower his cannon he fired
Humpty-Dumpty was its name
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…

Needless to say, the local press loved it. But as you’ve probably guessed, and as this journalist reports, this story, this part of the book, and perhaps even ALL origin stories for nursery rhymes, are BS. But let’s focus on Humpty and Colchester. First off, this is NOT a new discovery. The siege origin has been online for some time (1996 in fact, more on that below). There are also serious problems with the language and structure used in the expanded rhyme. The language used is not 17th century English, in my opinion. It’s also far more detailed than any nursery rhyme, and is in fact a fully-fledged poem. Even if period, it would make sense only as an historical piece based upon an existing rhyme, not, as advertised, the other way around.

As far as I can tell, this interpretation of the story originally concerned Gloucester, NOT Colchester. That town got in on the act some time later (I’ll touch on this later on). It’s also completely fictional. To quote the Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes;

“Professor David Daube, in one of a series of spoof nursery-rhyme histories for The Oxford Magazine (1956), put forward the ingenious idea that Humpty Dumpty was a siege engine in the Civil War.”

Yes – a spoof. No doubt a relatively subtle one for this day and age, but a spoof nonetheless. This 1880s review gives a flavour of its remit. Even if taken literally, the leaps of logic the involved make Daube’s a nonsense hypothesis. Iona Opie put it best when she said of this and other made-up origins that;

“This is ingenuity for ingenuity’s sake; but the inventor must also feel some satisfaction if, as with the current craze for horrific “urban legends”, he can watch his story spreading to a public gullible enough to repeat it in earnest”.

It’s not just the public though, several academics have cited this invention as plausible or even definitive. Daube’s inspiration was a genuine piece of history; a paragraph in Rushworth’s “Historical Collections” about the English Civil War. It describes a plan to overcome the besieged town’s defensive wall and ditch using siege engines – covered mobile bridges. Unfortunately these were never used, because Gloucester’s defenders simply widened the ditch. Daube imagines that one machine could have been called “Humpty Dumpty” because of the sound it would have made, and decided that the “great fall” was the failure to bridge the gap. You see the problem with taking this interpretation literally!

How did Colchester get sucked into this mess? Uncertain. Certainly it’s not the only UK town to have got in on the act, perhaps independently of the Daube article, but the dates of the available evidence suggest otherwise. An opera based on Daube’s article (“All The King’s Men – believed by this school at least“) was staged in 1968, stating that the combatants actually referred to the war machine as “Humpty Dumpty”. Between these two pieces of fiction, one or more Colchester natives (consciously or otherwise) seem to have appropriated the origin story for their town by co-opting another piece of genuine Civil War history – the aforementioned Siege of Colchester. Instead of the attackers using a “Humpty Dumpty” weapon, this time it’s the defenders. Instead of a siege engine, it’s an artillery piece (manned by “One-Eyed Thompson“). Instead of town walls, we have a hastily fortified church. And instead of a failure to span a gap, the “great fall” is the cannon being blasted from the walls by concentrated fire from the Parliamentarian besiegers.

On the face of it, it’s actually more plausible than the Gloucester version! Until you realise that the “Humpty Dumpty” in question would have been a saker – a medium sized cannon at best. In fact, the standard size and type of gun used by both sides during the Civil War. No Mons Meg. Not something that is likely to have been called “Humpty Dumpty”. Getting a saker into the tower of St Marys Church would have been fairly straightforward using block and tackle – a “large” cannon, not so much.

I’ve already mentioned the additional “undiscovered” verse of the Colchester myth, as touted by this new book. To really bury this one, I’d need to establish where the hell that came from. No written source could I find (the author of the new book gives none). The comprehensive “History and Description” of 1826 AND an earlier book from 1803 both mention the saker and its one-eyed gunner deployed at the church (the 1803 source even describing the saker as being “broken in pieces“), but do not refer to any local tradition of a rhyme. That line would have been evocative to anyone reading the source with a mind to concocting a myth, whether they knew of Daube’s Gloucester one or no. And it’s the same story with all the online versions of the poem – only one is sourced. Tracy Lightfoot of Griffith University in Australia gave as her source way back in ’96, the East Anglia Tourist Board (now the East of England Tourist Board)! Clearly some form of promotional material of the time featured the poem – where that came from, who knows? If anyone has seen a leaflet or even signboard at the church itself, referencing this myth, please let me know! I can then go to the council and/or tourist board and attempt to find their source.

As with all nursery rhymes, Humpty Dumpty, if it ever had a cogent origin rooted in historical events, has lost it forever. More than likely, these rhymes were conceived from the start as entertaining nonsense – like schoolchildren inventing rhymes in the playground to keep time with a skipping rope. Any meaning attached to them has been added later on – making for fun bits of folklore, but nothing more insightful into historical events than that.

If you do take a liking to a particular story – check it with the Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, as well as Snopes and the Straight Dope websites.


32 thoughts on “Putting the “dump” in Humpty Dumpty

  1. Lewis Carroll’s depiction of Humpty Dumpty as an Egg is seemingly its first mention as such. You may be correct in thinking that the origins of ‘Humpty Dumpty’ and other nursery rhymes are in children’s play songs. However, over the years, versions of nursery rhymes have been explicitly used in political contexts. For instance, I have on my wall a set of John Doyle’s cartoon lithographs, “Nursery Rhymes No.s 1 – 6” published in late December 1836 as “HB Sketches No.s 459 – 465”, available on line at the British Cartoon Archive http://www.cartoons.ac.uk. ‘Humpty Dumpty’ (No.5) in this instance shows the fall of Sir Robert Peel and his minority government in 1835 because “Not all the King’s money nor all the Kings Men/Could ever set up Humpty Dumpty again.” Fred Kirk, Vancouver BC

  2. So do the Opies (Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes), who don’t mention Colchester at all. There are apparently versions of this rhyme from all over Europe, all of them riddles.

  3. The term ‘humpty dumpty’ as a character is first deployed in a ribald poem from 1701. Punchinello is the cultural inspiration for the egg character (rounded at the front and back) from that poem. Moreover, according to Samuel Pepys Diary, the Parliamentary forces had a gun called Punchinell – not Humtpy Dumpty (as th mythmongers have it) . I “cracked the myth of humpty dumpty” a coupe of weeks ago Here:

    1. That’s really nice work Mike, well done. I think yours and my pieces complement each other rather well, and I like the fact that there was a cannon named for a related folk/literary character, even if that’s coincidence where HD is concerned.

      1. Dear Brian

        Sorry for long delay in replying. I agree. The Punchenello Cannon is a curious coincidence. One has to wonder whether some wag reversed that facts to deliberately create a myth. I suspect the first source of the Humpty Dumpty cannon story might be the etymological hoaxer.

  4. I first heard this story in the 1980s. It was on a cassette tape which told the stories of a number of nursery rhymes including Humpty Dumpty. Unfortunately I can’t remember the name of the cassette. It might be put tucked away somewhere at my parent’s but I can’t be sure. So, I do know for a fact that this story is older than 1996.

    1. Thanks Jason, that’s interesting to hear. This blog is somewhat reliant on internet sources, so information like yours is really helpful.

      1. My pleasure. I am visiting my parents’ at the moment actually. When they come back from their shopping trip I’ll ask them if they know where the tape might be. I can’t promise anything but I’ll see if I can track it down for you.

  5. I came across this site searching for somebody else that has heard the “full” version of Humpty Dumpty! It is from a cassette called “Growing up with Farley’s” and has nursery rhymes and action songs introduced by Floella Benjamin. There are several verses, the first as above and the rest as follows:

    When General Fairfax saw
    The carnage caused by old Humpty’s roar
    He ordered his men to break off the fight
    At which the king’s men cheered with delight
    To St Johns green the Roundheads drew back
    And from there they pounded the wall
    Their cannon they brought down the top of the tower
    Humpty Dumpty, Thomson and all

    The king’s men fought til their food ran out
    When their surrender was brought about
    So ended the war twist king and the state
    As every history book will relate
    Though years have passed and England’s at peace
    And all signs of warfare have gone
    St Mary’s church has a new tower top and old Humpty still lives on

    I don’t have the physical cassette (my brother converted it to mp3 format for me!) so can’t check the date, but he was born in 1977 and I was born in 1983 and it was a big part of our childhood! No idea of the origin of the rhyme though! If you are interested in hearing the mp3 file let me know.

      1. That sounds like the tape I mentioned a while back. I was born in 1979 and it would have been the mid-80s when I listened to it. I wouldn’t have been able to relay those verses, but reading them, they look very familiar.

        I did ask my parents where the tape might be but they have no idea I’m afraid. It might be tucked away somewhere in their loft but finding it up there would be like looking for a needle in a haysack.

      2. I do still have the MP3 file, if you let me have your email address I will share the Dropbox link with you!

      1. Hi Gregory, let me have your email address and Iโ€™ll send you the link! Funnily enough having not thought about it for several years I played this casette to my son two days ago (now that heโ€™s old enough to appreciate it!) and can safely say Humpty Dumpty is still my favourite song on the tape!

  6. Queen ‘s Seven Seas of Rhye is a surreal, apocalyptic A
    God Am I rant by Freddie Mercury together with such lyrics as “I will defy the laws of nature and come out alive/and then I’ll get you.” It ends by
    fading right into a sample of the old music-corridor tune “I Do Like To Be Beside the Seaside”.

  7. I like your thinking!
    Being a Colchester resident I have heard this story a few times and have always been a bit sceptical. There was a version somewhere fleshing out the details saying how the cannon fell into the swamp at the bottom of the tower; anyone who has been to Colchester will know there is no swampy ground in this area. It does seem like a deliberate attempt to get tourists interested in the town – being Britain’s oldest recorded town and the first Roman capital obviously not enough ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Haha, exactly. Colchester has enough history going on without this one. Mind you, as long as people know the background, it’s harmless folklore.

  8. I would like to mention this document on my research, but I don’t see the name of the author who wrote this,

    1. My name is Jonathan Ferguson, I am based in the UK. I used to be totally anonymous due to legal threats and general hassle, but if you dig through the posts you’d find my name anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Interestingly I was taught at prep school in the 1970s that Humpty Dumpty was a siege engine at Gloucester, and that the brave defenders of the city toppled it over, hence all the King’s Horses and all the Kings men being unable to repair Humpty. This was obviously long before the internet and I’m sure this was from a text book, so that version was clearly established din academic circles at the time.

    Oddly this was a private London day school that taught this as a very pro parlimemtarian anti royalist chant. My mother who was educated in a war time Welsh valleys grammar School was not taught this but was taught all these rhymes from a royalist perspective, which says a lot about he way that cultural memory stretches across the centuries. I was taught in London; Cromwell , good chap sorted out those bad royalist totalitarians, where as in the then mining valley Cromwell was still being taught as a traitor and the nursery rhymes interpreted accordingly.

  10. Thanks for an informative article that still illuminates readers.

    I can add very slightly to the connection between Colchester and the rhyme, by pushing the date back a little. When I was at school in Colchester in the 70s, we had a school trip to Colchester Castle where a tour guide dressed up as a puritan and told stories of the town’s history. In one, he pretended to be One-Eyed Jack and told us the Humpty Dumpty story. So the connection was claimed back then.

    After reading your article, I rang my mother who was at school in Colchester during the 1940s. (And was married at same St Mary’s at the Walls church used as an artillery platform). She told me that she was taught at school that the Humpty Dumpty rhyme came from events of the Siege of Colchester and was surprised to hear it might not be true.

    Personally, I don’t believe it’s true either, especially given the original version of the words, but it’s an idea that’s been entertaining the people of Colchester for many generations.

    1. Very interesting Tim, thank you. I had a feeling it might be quite an old piece of folklore – it could be a fair bit older than the ’40s even. I hope your mother wasn’t too disappointed – I do enjoy folklore despite appearances!

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